Those Nasty Stammering Demons In My Head

Stammering Demons And The Way They Impacted On My Life

I welcome you to watch my latest video where I talk about how voices or what I call demons impacted on my life and how they would attempt to convince me that I would stammer. I have included the video transcription below.


Video transcription:

Hello everyone, Stephen Hill here again. Welcome to my latest video blog post. Today for this post, I’m going to be talking about and describing the huge battle that I had during the 18 years when I had the stammer with what I call my “stammering demons”. These were basically the voices in my head which would try and convince me that I was going to stammer.

To give examples of this, for me, it was like a never-ending nightmare and just before I continue, for those people who are watching this short video, whether it be on the website or on YouTube, for people who have never had a stammer, it may be quite hard for them to really comprehend and to understand what it was like. They may even think that I’m rather crazy and freakish that I had these demons, these voices in my head, but this is what it was like for me. Obviously from running the stammering therapy courses for a long time now, I’ve met a lot of people who have a stammer and a great majority of them also have confirmed that they have these kinds of demons as well.

So yeah, examples; the first example would be I’m in bed trying to get to sleep, I’m aged 20 at the time and I work for an insurance company. This was not a job I liked; I found it rather boring, but also a job that was quite difficult for me due to having a speech impediment. There was quite a lot of pressure on myself to speak fluently when using the telephone and there were also a lot of people to converse with in the office, such as colleagues, my boss or people from other departments. I’m in bed trying to get to sleep, as I say, but my mind just will not allow me to sleep, the voices are up and running, talking to me, saying things like, “Steve, you’re going to really screw up tomorrow. You have a meeting with this person and that person. They’ll be expecting a lot of input from you. They’re not particularly the most pleasant of people, they’re not the most patient of people and you will find it very hard, you are very likely to stammer in that situation.”

The demons were always there

Now you might think, well, okay, why don’t you just ignore those voices? Believe me, I tried, of course I tried. Other people might think, well, just think of something else, just think of a nice thought of maybe going on a holiday or something to take your mind away from listening to these voices. Again, yeah, I tried that, I tried many different things, but they were just so powerful, so strong. I’d look at the clock next to my bed, 1:00, it’s now 2:00; it is now 3:00. I just can’t sleep. These voices are saying lots of different things, “Oh, don’t forget, Steve, you’ve got that telephone call to speak to that insurance company about that policy that you should’ve dealt with today but you bottled it today, you’re going to definitely have to do it tomorrow. That will be difficult as well. Then what about some of your colleagues who are obviously going to ask you about what you’ve been doing and asking how you are, asking how your girlfriend is perhaps, just typical general questions. You know that you find it difficult to answer these direct questions. How will they respond, Steve, when you stammer, because you’re bound to stammer? Will they laugh? Will they talk about you behind your back?”

This again was just me trying to get to sleep. Other demons would say, “You’re also going to really struggle tomorrow, Steve, because you won’t have had enough sleep and you always find it harder to talk when you’re tired.” So again, I would then think or say – well let me sleep then, please. This is why I say it seemed like a never-ending nightmare because in bed is where I should be able to just relax, it’s where I’m safe, it’s where I’m comfortable and warm. That’s the nice period of my day. Obviously when at work, that is difficult, speech-wise.

Then in the morning, getting up, travelling to work, again, what is dominating my brain, my mind, can I just go to work relaxed, listening to music on the radio perhaps, while driving my car? Not at all! I can listen to the music, but the voices are still there in my head, talking to me, making me think negatively; trying to make me worry.

These were the voices that as I became older, certainly when I went about attempting to achieve fluency, these were the voices that I knew that for me to have any success at achieving my goal of fluency, I would have to remove these demons, these voices from my head. That then became a whole new battle to eradicate them once and for all. That was a battle which took a long time to win but was one I ultimately did win.

So I just thought I would keep this video quite short for today and there’ll be more coming very soon. If you have any questions about anything at all, please feel free to contact me. My email address is My telephone numbers are 0121 453 9208 and 07967 549 070 and I welcome you to visit the website if you’re watching this on YouTube. The website URL is

Okay, thank you.

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